can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
