I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
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It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
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So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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