I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
