HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
