So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
