I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
