I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
