This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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