So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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