That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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