I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
