she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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