he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
