i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
