piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
