when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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