He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
