It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
