Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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