her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
