i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
im calling her cock vulture from now on
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
