im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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