I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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