Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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