Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
