I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
pray to the hookup gods
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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