cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
