Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
