Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
