her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
