Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
