Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
