hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
