He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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