Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
barbara walters just said penis...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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