ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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