after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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