I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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