I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
