toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I will pee on everything he values.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
