First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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