chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
