I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
