fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
