i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my shit smells like andre
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
