If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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