Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
