There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
