You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
