I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
