And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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