worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
