Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
