My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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