So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
