I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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