this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
