I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
