I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
