I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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