I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
