Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
