Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
