You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
