Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
