let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
