She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize