i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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