Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
