did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
