i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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