I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
