she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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