She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
