You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
