I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
