I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
