So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Bring me that man meat
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
