their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
