shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
