He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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