I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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