who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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