Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
