It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
