OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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