I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Randomize
