You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
